Cucumber: A Wilted Wolf
Animal Story, Animal Tales, Blog, Wolves | September 14, 2011
Cucumber was wilted.
It was different this time. After her two near-death experiences during which she worked her way into becoming a House Wolf, she thrived on her special status. When her status became threatened because another sick animal required special care and occupied our tiny living room, she learned how to manipulate us through pretend near-death experiences. But now she is older –going on her 14th year, and the wilting felt different. As if she were defeated.
The cause of the problem was two-fold. First Firefly, a tiny little black fox-rescue from a fur farm ousted her because she needed intensive care, but we could at least move her out each day so Cucumber could come and visit and be loved – though she was only too well aware of the enraptured attention that the charming Firefly was receiving. But then came a traumatized little coyote pup. Though Jean could, with great care pet him and play with him, any attempt at “capture” by picking him up or putting him in a carry cage was out of the question if we ever wanted to have a relationship with him. So, he roamed free in the living room until we could build an outdoor enclosure for him. And that was that. Cucumber was relegated to being outside and she didn’t take it well.
Retreat host, Polly Klein, giving Cucumber Reiki. Copyright Earthfire Institute.
If you casually looked at her you would be tempted to say she was just very old. But, if so, it was a sudden aging. She just drooped. She lost weight. She hobbled. She was listless.
We called the vet, Summer, who knew her well inside and out, having done the two surgeries and helped shepherd her through to health again. Summer could find nothing wrong. She did blood tests. They looked like those of a healthy young wolf.
We didn’t know what to do. It was as if the fight had gone out of her. All those years of being born a runt and being a half-sized wolf in a world of fierce competition; finding a way to dominate wolves much larger than she; of leaping off waterfalls when no other wolf dared; of working herself into the house and then, when ousted, getting back in through pretend near-death experiences, had sapped her energy. She just couldn’t do it any more.
This time it felt real. She didn’t have as much fight, There was no (well, little) attempt at manipulation. I thought she was in the process of dying. Jean brought her down to meet a retreat group to give her a last chance to shine and communicate what she was so good at. They looked at the hanging head, drooping tail, with concern and pity. She stood there passively as they tried to help her with healing hands and therapeutic touch.
After a month of this, she looked so bad we called Summer in again, asking her to check if there was anything at all we could do – perhaps her previous intestinal surgeries were causing her trouble? More tests, examinations, x rays – all looked fine.
Cucumber receiving her morning love from Jean. Copyright Earthfire Institute.
So, though it was a poor substitute, I had an idea. I started to bring her in to the office cabin early every morning before working hours for special hand-prepared breakfast treats, and loving from Jean and myself. It wasn’t the house. The ugly coyote has not been ousted and she wasn’t total queen anymore. But at least she rated special, personal attention and connection.
I am happy to report that she is recovering. It hasn’t been instant like during the “near-death” times when she recovered overnight once she was back in the house. She has not bounced back to her full self. Age and many battles do take their toll and it has been different this time. The wilting was real. She had been devastated. But there is light in her eyes once again, and there is a bit of spring in her step when she walks to the office, or sees her arch enemy, my malamute Talkeetna.
It seems we have no more leeway. Regardless of other distractions and responsibilities to other animals, she needs her special attention for the rest of her life, with no further abandonments or disappointments. We will have to be very very careful of her feelings now. Fortunately, taking care of her is a privilege and delight, and what she gives back is beyond measure.
Nomad Lives by Jennifer Sauer
The degree to which we can respond to Cucumber’s situation is proportionate to how empathy works in our own lives. And somehow the fix is similar to a corollary of Nightingale’s “we become what we think about.” The narrative of the situation has hit a chord
over here. Though right now in a minor key. Best to all…and especially that needy hopeful soul.
Comment by Richard Cheatham — September 14, 2011 @ 5:39 pm
I was at the first Walk on the Wild Side workshop. When coming around the circle, Cucumber stopped at my chair and kissed both of my hands and feet. That was the most loving moment of my life and I knew that I was truly blessed. I’ve told many people about her, please let her know that she is loved and honored by many many spirits
Comment by kathy dunn — September 15, 2011 @ 4:15 pm
What a beautiful wolf! After reading this I just wanted to give her a big hug. Oh well… I’ll have to go home and give my rescue dogs a hug instead. Thank you for taking such good care of her as you do for all the animals you give hope and a reason to trust us again.
Comment by Sam Coffman — September 16, 2011 @ 5:03 pm
Another deeply touching story Susan- I wish I could be there to love Cucumber, I would give her all she needs! Animals are so without defenses; if humans don’t get enough love, we harden and keep on going in life, usually living a half-life as a result.If we feel suicidal, or joyless or bitter, we are told it’s our problem, and just “get on with it!” But animals need all they (and we) are meant to have or they will not go on.What a lesson for all of us. God bless you all at Earthfire, I look forward to the day I can come (not for awhile, I’m a poor full-time student for the next 2 years!)
Myles Maloney, Edmonton, Canada
Comment by Myles Maloney — September 16, 2011 @ 5:06 pm
Your stories always make me cry..and my heart just burst…I hope you are writing a book..they are all so fascinating….and joyful! Thank you for sharing…life gets so busy and flies by fast for an old friend to visit. Much love, Kathi
Comment by Kathi Michel — September 16, 2011 @ 5:08 pm
So glad Cucumber was able to communicate her needs…and she is back in the cabin office! May she have many good days and nights with all that love her….TY for sharing her journey.
Comment by Ramona Coyote — September 16, 2011 @ 5:11 pm
I am so happy to hear that Cucumber is taking a turn for the better. She is such a special being and it was very difficult seeing her look so downcast and dejected during our time together at the retreat. We believed she felt abandoned and her spirit was so low. Recovery might be slow, but I feel she is on her way. Sending her lots of positive energy and love…
Comment by Diane Fuller — September 16, 2011 @ 5:23 pm
I love what you do and your devotion to ALL of your animals, and the fact that you recognize with such tenderness each of their idiosyncrosies. Cucumber is indeed special, but you are without a doubt special souls in your own right for the work you do for the animals.
Thank you for sharing this story in your usual eloquent fashion.
Comment by Lisa — September 16, 2011 @ 5:23 pm
Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful story. It is so representative of the special spirit and presence all living beings have. The thing about animals is their pure and unadultered innocence. Really touching and comforting to know there’s people out there such as you, making the time and effort to share and love with creatures so many seem to take for granted. It touches my heart to the point of tears.
Comment by Hannah — September 16, 2011 @ 6:11 pm
Susan and Jean, you are the most intensely loving people I have ever met. I thank you from the bottom of my soul for the work you do with animals. I have been thinking and dreaming of your brood since Penelope’s retreat, wishing there were something I could do to further your work. Larry has made many drawings of ideas he has about your memorial; perhaps he could call you sometime to discuss them. We were both overwhelmed by your dedication. Thank you for sharing Cucumber’s story – my thoughts and prayers go out to her.
Comment by Elaine — September 16, 2011 @ 9:09 pm
I love you both. I just do. I read the love that you share in every word. Thanks for all you do.
Comment by Pam — September 16, 2011 @ 9:36 pm
Susan and Jean, Cucumber’s story brought tears to my eyes as I read your story and saw her pictures. She is in such a loving place and you both are human angels to all your animals. I am sending love and healing light to Cucumber and love and huge hugs to you and Jean. Earthfire is heaven on earth for all your wonderful animals. Thank you for blessing my life with Cucumber’s story.
Comment by Cathy Mayton — September 16, 2011 @ 9:38 pm
Cucumber is such a beautiful, sensitive soul…I can feel all of the layers of deep tenderness between all of you. Love and healing energy coming to you from AZ.
Comment by Nancy Windheart — September 16, 2011 @ 9:42 pm
Thank you for this touching story. I am deeply touched.
Comment by Becky — September 16, 2011 @ 10:04 pm
Thank you for all that you do!
The animal kingdom is such an intricate part of our world and they teach us so very much. It is through wonderful loving people like yourselves that mankind is beginning to remember this special connection.
With much love and gratitude,
Andrea.
Comment by Andrea — September 16, 2011 @ 10:54 pm
I am so blessed to get your emails about all the animals you love and care for. These animals and stories always touch my heart. I am sending you all and Cucumber a big etheric hug and much love and joy! Again Thanks so much for making our Mother Earth such a beautiful place and all the love you give to the animals!
Comment by Rev. Cindy Norlinger — September 16, 2011 @ 11:10 pm
Dearest Susan and Jean,
You have become Cucumber’s pack~ her family. She does not understand why she is suddenly “outside”, only that she is no longer close. For a wolf, to be ostracised from the pack is like a death. You are right… you have become her world and will remain so for the rest of her life. Most humans would not have taken the time to notice her wilting, or even think to make a space in which she could receive the bonding she is used to.
Perhaps you need an addition to the cabin to house new animals without displacing Cucumber (yes, I realize the impracticality of cost and logistics even as I suggest it). If you can think of a solution, please let me know the cost, and we’ll add it in to what we try to raise on this side of the pond. It is stories like this that you need to bring to the UK so people can understand what you are doing and why funding is so vital.
Comment by Hannah Thomas — September 17, 2011 @ 2:41 am
Jean, Susan, Cucumber.
i am really happy to hear that Cucumber one more time did a proof of strength and manage to overcome this situation. Cucumber you are a role model!
love,
Manuel.
Comment by Manuel — September 17, 2011 @ 3:23 am
Can Cucumber spend the nights with you in the bedroom? Maybe even in the bed? Now that’s special.
Thank you for these moving stories.
Comment by Anna Dresdon — September 17, 2011 @ 10:25 am
You’ve got it. Taking care of her is a privilege–taking care of all of them is a privilege. What a life lesson in this revelation. The flip side of burden is joy.
A prayer could go like this–
“I am so happy to love you, Cucumber.
I am so grateful for your presence.
You are the reason I am here.
I shall never forget, again.”
Comment by Connie Glavin — September 17, 2011 @ 6:43 pm
I have been following the Cucumber saga for a while now, she is very much like a dog. She needs constant reassurance to know she is loved and wanted. Glad she is coming around.
Comment by Lori — September 18, 2011 @ 12:21 pm